


Who am I to lead these people?

by deathbyspaceglam



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Finn as a Moses allegory, Finn beating himself up, Gen, Jewish Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-14
Updated: 2018-04-14
Packaged: 2019-04-22 13:50:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14310036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyspaceglam/pseuds/deathbyspaceglam
Summary: Finn wants to spark a rebellion in the First Order, but doesn’t think he can.





	Who am I to lead these people?

**Author's Note:**

> Written for days 5 and 6 of Finn Appreciation week with the prompts _hero_ and _hope_.  
>  A prequel of sorts to [A New and Brighter Birth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721323).

Despite twenty or so years of propaganda, Finn had managed to see through the First Order’s lies and break free. If he could do it, could others?

“They just need a push in the right direction,” Poe had suggested one evening when Finn had voiced his concerns. “And you might just be the right person to do it.”

It was tempting, but… _Who am I to lead these people?_ he continually asked himself. The First Order hated him, had probably dragged his name (or his designation) through the mud, might even be training stormtroopers to kill him on sight. And besides, he was no hero.

He had refused to shoot the villagers. But that had only been the most neutral course of actions, only the best thing he could have done while still preserving himself. There was nothing particularly heroic about simply lowering his blaster. If anything, it had been selfish- he hadn’t wanted innocent blood on his hands.

He had saved Poe. But was that a heroic action? It had been the right thing to do, a concept which he had formed independently of First Order indoctrination around the time he’d lowered his blaster. The right thing to do was to save innocent people from suffering and death. Heroism was a grand concept in Finn’s mind, accompanied with fanfare and explosions. He wasn’t the fanfare and explosions sort like Han Solo. All he’d wanted to do was run as far from the First Order as he could and save innocent lives along the way.

And he’d almost done exactly that. But the screaming had started just as soon as he’d stepped onto the ship. Panicked and horrified screaming, multiplied by billions, multiplied further by the planets in a system, all ringing through his head along with the sound of the blasts finding their mark. The First Order had talked about using their newly-developed superweapon to destroy the Republic. Not only had they just done that, but they could destroy even more, and more and more… There wasn’t a safe place left in the galaxy. No matter how many innocents he saved, it was nothing to the destructive power of that weapon.

Yes, he’d told the Resistance leaders how to destroy the weapon. But destroying the weapon hadn’t been his top priority and he didn’t actually know how the plan would unfold. Rey had been kidnapped. He didn’t know any of these Resistance people, but Rey was his friend, maybe one of the first real friends he’d ever had outside the First Order. His absolute top priority had been to save her.

And then Kylo Ren had thrown her into a tree. Hero or not, Finn was _not_ going to let him walk away from that unscathed. He knew that Ren wasn’t a fair fighter and that fighting him would likely cause himself more pain and suffering than it would alleviate anyone else’s. But it was vengeance, righteous vengeance for the years he’d served the First Order and all the harm they’d caused the galaxy, that had motivated him. And he’d come away with a slash on his back that had taken months upon months to heal while Ren walked away with barely a scratch.

Finn didn’t know what he would call himself. A rebel. An idiot, certainly. A hero? Not a chance. And certainly not someone who could convince thousands of indoctrinated soldiers to follow the same bloody, gritty, explosive path that he had.

Poe gaped when Finn told him. “Buddy,” he said, “I love the Resistance. Have since the day I joined. But believe me when I say I would leave the Resistance in a heartbeat if you wanted me to.”

“Coming from you, that doesn’t say a lot,” piped up Rose, looking up from the ship she’d been fixing.

Poe huffed, trying to be indignant, but his smile ruined the effect. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You know exactly what it means,” she said. “But that’s not the point. Finn-” she took a deep breath- “I’ve heard you talk to people. You’re- you’re amazing. When my home planet was destroyed, I thought all hope was lost, but you… you reminded me that even someone who’s lost everything hasn’t lost what makes them human. The ability to choose and to make the better choice, to fight for what you believe in. You reminded me of that. If you can do that… who’s to say you can’t convince someone else to leave the First Order?”

Tears shone on Rose’s cheeks as she spoke. Finn glanced quickly at Poe, then back to Rose. Both of them believed in him. Poe might be looking at him through rose-colored lenses, but Rose didn’t have any reason to. He’d only met her briefly. To her, he realized, he was a symbol, much like he could be a symbol for other defecting stormtroopers.

“Okay,” he conceded. “I’ll do it.”

The officer uniforms were ready.


End file.
